Get Real!

Welcome to the real world - a line thrown around far too many times particularly during college graduation ceremonies. In these hyped up and glamorous rituals, filled with moving speeches and glitters of silver and gold, young adults bid goodbye to the warm embrace of college life. Not that my college life was trouble-free, it was actually far from that. I, in fact, used to question this notion of the real world outside the University. Because, as far as I was concerned back then, the headaches, stress, and heart palpitations I suffered due to the never ending exams, midterm papers, final essays, graded recitations, report presentations and the tons and tons of reading assignments, were all too real to be considered fake. But a few years inside the “real world” made me understand the difference. The nuances between campus life and working life became very apparent as its fine distinctions turned solid and more pronounced.

When we were in college, all we had to do was study as hard as we can, get good grades, and we could already take comfort that we were on the right track. After graduation, we get employed, and then we ask ourselves, is this a job worth keeping? We ask again, will this work give me the financial security that I had when I was living under the comfort of my parents’ weekly allowance? We ask deeper, do we have a clear career path ahead? And after that, we ask again and then we answer. Yet no amount of thinking and no length of time wasted on pondering would deliver an answer that would satisfy us and make our minds stop. That is when we suddenly feel the pressures of life and the hardships of real decision making.

And that is why I have come to the conclusion, that you are not yet an adult until you earn your own money and pay for, at least, your gas, your power & water, your cable TV, and your wireless internet connection. As such, with all the real life burden on your shoulder, your perspectives change. Then we come to understand the meaning of that line-- Welcome to the Real World.

I think all of us 20-somethings would agree that the dreams we have as children have been resized, reassessed, while some have completely faded away. When we were kids, we wanted to become astronauts, to explore the heavens and the stars and discover a galaxy far, far away. We dreamt of being revolutionary soldiers to defeat the enemies of light and fight for freedom to liberate people from the bondage of slavery and poverty. Some of us wanted to become priests in order to save souls and spread the good news of the Lord.

During my junior year in the university, I became part of a group who sat down in a coffee shop to discuss and debate about the ills of the Philippine society. The discussion slowly became focused on our dream to start a political party. We analyzed it to its smallest detail. We discussed its guiding principles and its ideology. We argued about its strategies and goals, its mission and vision, and the message that would differentiate it from all the other political parties, or at least from those who claim to be one, in this country. We even conversed about how we can purge the society of all its negative forces and create a new order where democracy shall be considered consolidated and where economic development shall be shared by all. We discussed all possible issues in developing The Philippines and how we were all going to be in the forefront of this movement.

A week ago, while I was having a cup of coffee with a friend, we found ourselves discussing and debating about opening up a taxi business. We analyzed it to its smallest detail. We discussed how car maintenance would be the biggest problem. We argued about what kind of automobile would be best suited to be used as a taxi. We even conversed about the franchise fees, the return of investment, and how to pick a good driver from a long list of applicants. We discussed all possible issues in starting a taxi business and how we can earn money from this venture.

We still talk about politics and society, with the same intensity and passion. We still debate as if we were in Batasan Pambansa. We are still very much aware of current events and issues. But today, we have more to think about than just politics. We think about our careers and our lives, ten, fifteen, twenty years down the road. We analyze how every action we take can affect the realization of our short, mid, and long term goals.

So, what do we make out of this? Are we nothing but victims of the physical and material world? Have we lost our dreams and become too apathetic to even care? Have we become too selfish and too self centered? Have we lost all sense of citizenship that we should hide our heads in the sand, in shame, for the persons that we have become?

I think not. I think this is simply the natural tendency of the mind to veer away from childhood fantasies and concentrate all energy and effort towards developing one’s self, clearly understanding that to be able to help others one must first and foremost help himself. I think this is simply our minds telling us to grow up and get real.

I have nothing against dreams and dreaming big. But dreams are just ideas floating without form and substance. It is up to us to nurture these dreams until they are actually realized, because dreams, precisely, exist to be achieved. However, one must always bear in mind that the achievement of these dreams is a function of one’s ability to see reality, as clearly as possible. One must not only know where he wants to go, but where he is currently located, what type of path he is supposed to take, what kind of steps he must make and the possible consequences of each and every move he makes. One must understand all possible factors, one must see through all possible angles, and to actually achieve something, one must be open to fine-tune and adjust his goals and dreams.

It is true that we cannot be afraid of reality, but we also cannot ignore the obstacles it places in our paths and our inability as humans, even for a brief moment, to overcome them.

Without the clearness and openness of mind, one will be stuck in perpetuity in a futile quest no different from trying to place the seven seas on the palm of his hand.

I still remember the day, more than a decade ago, when I told a Salesian priest that I will leave a mark in this world. I will leave a name when I die. Until today, I still dream of leaving a name, but it no longer involves exploring the heavens.

If I ever achieve anything in this life, it would be because I decided to live in the real world.

If I ever get to leave a name, it would be because I prudently chose my battles.

Originally written in April 2008. Edited February 23, 2010.